Well, here we fucking go, you slack-jawed, algorithm-addled meat puppets dangling from the strings of your glowing screens. I called this steaming pile of bullshit months ago, back when the rest of you were too busy jerking off to cat videos and conspiracy memes to notice the storm brewing. But now it’s kicking off like a junkie in withdrawal – the EU, that bloated bureaucracy with 47 countries still clinging to its withered teat like starving orphans, has finally grown a pair of bollocks. They’ve woken up to the fact that Elon Musk, that smirking space-faring oligarch, has been playing them like a cheap fiddle. He’s controlling the media – well, social media, anyway – and his precious X (that’s Twitter for you fossils who missed the rebrand) is pissing all over their DSA, the EU’s limp-dick version of our OSA that the right-wing nutjobs get a massive erection bitching about. Either way, they’ve slapped a big fat 120 million euro fine on X for being total dicks about it.
Now, here’s the kicker, you drooling idiots: for us mere mortals, that’s a scary number, the kind that could bankrupt a small nation or buy enough hookers to fill a stadium. But for Musk? He could pay it 3,000 times over with the loose change he lost down the back of his diamond-encrusted sofa while high on his own ego fumes. Still, in his deluded eyes, he’s Mr. Invincible, the untouchable god-king of tech, so he’s taken to X – his own goddamn platform – to rally the idiot masses, spewing that the EU needs to be destroyed like some petulant toddler smashing his toys.
But that’s nothing, you flag-humping morons – that’s just a little tit-for-tat bullshit, a playground spat in the grand scheme. The big picture here, the real gut-punch that’ll leave you wheezing? If this chrome-domed prick gets let off, gets away with this farce, then one man – one solitary, over-hyped billionaire – has pissed in the face of 47 countries. He’s laughed at 47 governments and the entire EU parliament like they’re a bad joke at a TED Talk. Right here, you filthy lot, is where history gets forged in the fires of hubris. Everyone cries about Soros or some other imaginary shadow puppet pulling the world’s strings, and we all know that’s tinfoil-hat bullshit cooked up by basement dwellers. But if this one man gets to tell the whole of Europe to fuck off without so much as a slap on the wrist? We’ve got a serious goddamn problem on our hands. No person should be that big, wield that much power – it’s like handing a loaded railgun to a chimp and expecting poetry.
We’re not even talking dragging this through the courts like civilized savages, no. This man fancies himself judge, jury, and executioner, above the law, above governments, just tweeting his edicts from his ivory tower like some digital Nero. No one should be able to pull that shit and walk away unscathed. I say block X from every country on the map – shut it down, brick it up, let the servers rust into oblivion. Throw every goddamn Tesla into the sea, watch those overpriced electric coffins sink like the hubris they represent. And freeze every fucking bank account this prick owns, turn his fortune into digital ice until he squeals. The only thing this guy gives two fucks about is money – hit him where it hurts, right in the wallet, and watch the empire crumble. Tesla’s board would sack his ass in 30 seconds flat, and he’d be homeless the next day, begging for scraps on the streets he once owned.
Wake up, you complacent worms. This isn’t just about one fine or one tweet – it’s about whether we let one man rewrite the rules for the rest of us. Thompson, signing off – but I’ll be watching, and so should you.
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