Are We Fucking Full? Yes and No

Filthy bastards, listen up because I’m about to shove the truth down your throats like a bad dose of the clap. This whole steaming pile of horseshit started in some godforsaken corner of X – yeah, that digital sewer where every halfwit with a keyboard thinks they’re a prophet. Houses. We all crave our own chunk of crumbling brick and mortar, don’t we? From your piss-stained bungalow to some oligarch’s gilded palace, we want our slice of the dream: a family, a fortress, a place to shit in peace. But the world’s gone batshit with immigrants, and the right-wing mouth-breathers are howling “We’re full!” all day long like broken records. So let’s rip open this can of worm-ridden cat food and see if the UK’s really bursting at the seams – or if we’re just too lazy and corrupt to fix it.

First, the basics, you ignorant swine. How many new homes does this rotting island churn out a year? According to the latest gut-punch from the ONS and those Savills suits, we’re scraping together about 200,000 new builds annually – down from the glory days, because why not let the housing crisis fester like an open wound? That’s roughly 548 homes a day, if you’re counting while you wank off to property porn.

Now, the new meat sacks arriving via the birth canal: 662,100 live births in the year to mid-2024. But hold your applause, because deaths clocked in at 645,900 – old bastards finally shuffling off, thank fuck. Net natural growth? A pathetic +16,200 souls. We’re barely replacing ourselves, you breeders.

Average household size? 2.35 filthy humans per hovel, per the ONS’s 2024 figures. So those 200,000 new homes create about 470,000 spots. With natural growth at +16,200, that’s only 6,900 extra homes needed annually just to house the homegrown rabble. Hell, we’re actually building a surplus on that front – 193,100 extra homes floating around like unused condoms.

But wait, what’s the stock of empty shells gathering dust? Over 700,000 vacant properties across England alone, with 264,884 labelled “long-term empty” – six months or more of cobwebs and squatters. At our piddling natural growth rate, that stockpile could last damn near forever, or at least 100 years if we ignore the rot. Without the migrant wave, we’re not “full” – we’re swimming in empty space, you liars.

Ah, but here’s the real kick in the balls, the obsession of every Farage-worshipping pub bore: immigration. Net migration? A whopping +738,700 in the year to mid-2024, per the fresh ONS data dumped in September 2025. That’s 738,700 more mouths, arses, and demands on this overcrowded rock. At 2.35 per household, that’s another 314,300 homes needed just for them.

Total demand from all population growth (natural + migration): 755,300 new people, requiring 321,400 new homes a year. We’re building 200,000, so short by 121,400 hovels annually. Factor in the 700,000 empties, and they’re gone in under 6 years if nothing changes – sucked dry like a hooker’s last cigarette.

Without immigration? We’d have breathing room, building more than we need for the dribble of natural growth. But with it? We’re fucked in half a decade. So yeah, we’re “full” soon unless we slam the borders, crank up the builds, or start stacking bodies in the streets. Stop breeding like rabbits if you must, but the real cancer is the unchecked influx and the gutless politicians letting the housing cartel hoard land while the rest of us rot in rentals.

Worrying? It’s a goddamn apocalypse in slow motion. I hate it here. I hate you all.

Now go fix it before I come for you.