Listen up, you filthy pack of gene-spliced monkeys masquerading as citizens. This is Spider Thompson, your favourite chain-smoking, truth terrorist, blasting straight from the bowels of this corrupt hellhole we call politics. Today, we’re diving headfirst into the latest steaming pile of hypocrisy served up by the British establishment. Yeah, that’s right – Angela Rayner, the so-called Deputy Prime Minister and Housing Secretary, has finally admitted she fucked up her stamp duty on some fancy flat in Hove. And get this: she even thought about quitting. Boo-fucking-hoo.
Picture this: Rayner’s out there, tears streaming down her face on some podcast with Sky News’ Beth Rigby – because nothing says “accountability” like a good cry on air. “I’ve been in shock,” she whimpers. “I thought I’d done everything properly.” Oh, spare me the waterworks, Angie. You relied on shitty tax advice, dodged what could be £40,000 in stamp duty by yanking your name off the deeds of another pad in Greater Manchester, and now you’re “devastated”? Welcome to the club, sweetheart. The rest of us plebs get audited by HMRC drones for forgetting a receipt from the corner shop, but you? You get to “refer yourself” to some independent adviser like it’s a spa day.
Let’s rewind this clusterfuck. It all kicked off with a Daily Telegraph hit piece – those Tory bootlickers sniffing around her divorce in 2023. Her and the ex-set up this “nesting arrangement” for the kids, sold the family home in Ashton-under-Lyne to a trust for her disabled son. Sounds noble, right? Until the media vultures circle, claiming she avoided the higher stamp duty rate on her Hove flat because she “didn’t own” any other property. Bullshit. Turns out, some complex “deeming provisions” tied to the son’s trust meant she owed more. She got fresh advice from “leading tax counsel” – fancy words for overpaid lawyers – and now she’s scrambling to pay up. But wait, there’s more: confidentiality clauses to protect her kid, who’s got lifelong issues from a premature birth gone wrong. She even went to court to lift ’em for “transparency.” Touching. Really tugs at the heartstrings… if I had any left after decades of this political sewage.
And the fallout? Prime Minister’s Questions turns into a circus. That Tory harpy Kemi Badenoch screeching for Rayner’s head: “If he had backbone, he would sack her.” Starmer, the spineless suit, defends her like she’s the second coming: “I’m very proud to sit alongside a deputy prime minister who is building 1.5m homes…” Yeah, Keir, and I’m proud of my cat for not shitting on the rug today. Lib Dem Ed Davey chimes in with parental sympathy – “I know the thing my wife and I worry most about is our son’s care” – while TUC’s Paul Nowak calls it misogyny: “She’s a working-class woman… heavy dose of misogyny.” And Health Secretary Wes Streeting? “Good faith… absolute travesty if she resigns.” Christ, it’s like watching hyenas fight over a carcass, each one more self-serving than the last.
Rayner herself? “I deeply regret the error… committed to resolving this.” Regret? That’s politician-speak for “I got caught.” She talked it over with her family, her ex – who’s “incredibly supportive” – because apparently, family drama excuses tax dodges. Newsflash: Family life’s “rarely straightforward,” she says. No shit. Try telling that to the single mom on benefits getting evicted while you play house in multiple properties.
This whole mess reeks of the same old rot: Politicians gaming the system, then playing victim when the spotlight hits. Rayner’s from a working-class background? Big deal. So am I, and I don’t get a pass for screwing the taxman. She’s out there preaching workers’ rights and housing upgrades, but can’t even sort her own finances without a scandal. If this were you or me, we’d be in cuffs, not considering resignation over tea. But no, she’ll probably skate, because the game’s rigged for the suits.
I hate it here. The hypocrisy, the tears, the excuses – it’s all a distraction from the real crimes: a system that lets the elite bend rules while crushing the rest of us under boot heels. Rayner, if you’re reading this: Pay up, shut up, and maybe do some actual good before your next “error.” As for the rest of you: Wake up, arm yourselves with facts, and start throwing bricks at the machine. Or don’t. Stay complacent. See if I care.
Spider out.
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