The Great Immigration Hoax: How your Clickbait Overlords are Shoving Bullshit Down Your Throats, and the Numbers Prove it

Listen up, you slack-jawed data-zombies glued to your screens, scrolling through the endless sewer of online outrage and media circle-jerks. Immigration! The big bad bogeyman that’s gonna swamp your precious island in a tidal wave of “others,” right? The headlines scream it: hordes invading, borders like Swiss cheese, civilization crumbling under the weight of dinghies and desperation. Frog-faced demagogues like that slimy Farage prick wave their tiny fists, promising to “stop the boats” while pocketing your fear for votes. And you lap it up, you pathetic sheep, bleating about the “crisis” that’s supposedly turning your green and pleasant land into a refugee camp apocalypse.

Well, guess what, you mouth-breathing morons? It’s all a steaming pile of fabricated horseshit, designed to keep you angry, divided, and clicking for ad revenue. The real numbers on immigration – especially those piddly Channel crossings – don’t stack up to the apocalyptic wet dream portrayed online and in the tabloid rags. And this ain’t the first time I’ve written about this festering lie; I’ve been gutting this myth since before half of you learned to wipe your own asses. Back in my earlier columns, I eviscerated the Brexit bastards for inflating the “invasion” narrative to sell their snake oil sovereignty. Remember? No? That’s because you’re too busy retweeting memes instead of reading facts. But here we are again, because the truth doesn’t die – it just gets buried under more layers of crap.

Let’s cut to the chase, you fact-averse fuckwits. The portrayed image? Thousands pouring in daily, unchecked, overwhelming services, stealing jobs, and turning your neighbourhood’s into no-go zones. Online echo chambers amplify it: viral videos of boats on the horizon, comment sections foaming with xenophobic bile, pundits hyperventilating about “millions” slipping through. The media? They cherry-pick the stormy days when a few hundred wash up, splash it across front pages like it’s Armageddon, and ignore the rest. But the real numbers? They’re a pathetic whimper compared to the roar.

Take the crossings, that favourite bogeyman of the right-wing wankfest. In the year ending June 2025, approximately 43,420 people arrived via small boats – part of 49,341 irregular arrivals, with 88% coming that way. Yeah, you heard that right: about 43,420 over 12 goddamn months. That’s roughly 118 a day on average, not the biblical flood they’re selling you. Compare that to the summer peaks they hype – sure, January to June 2025 saw around 20,000, and by early September, the 2025 total hit 30,100. But spread it out, and it’s a trickle, not a torrent. Hell, your average London rush hour sees more people cramming into the Tube than that. And most of these desperate souls? They’re fleeing wars, poverty, and hellholes we helped create with our imperialist dick-swinging. But no, the narrative peddles them as an existential threat.

Now, the deportations – oh, the sweet irony that the fearmongers conveniently forget. In the same year ending June 2025, 35,833 people were returned from the UK, the highest since 2017. That’s right, you deportation-dreaming drones: nearly as many out as those small boat ins, if you squint at the totals. But drill down, and it’s even more telling – only 2,330 of those small boat arrivals got shipped back home, down 7% from the year before. Why? Because a whopping 95% apply for asylum, and many qualify under our own laws. The system’s grinding through backlogs, sure, but it’s not the open-door free-for-all the online trolls claim. Returns are up 25% from 2023’s 34,000, but the media? They bury that under more boat porn.

This mismatch isn’t accidental, you gullible gits – it’s engineered. Social media algorithms thrive on rage, pushing the extreme takes to keep you engaged. The press? They know fear sells papers and clicks better than nuance. And politicians? They ride the wave, promising walls and wars on migrants while ignoring the real issues: underfunded services, corporate greed hoarding wealth, and a housing crisis that’s homegrown, not imported. The numbers expose the scam: immigration’s a net positive for the economy, filling jobs you lazy bastards won’t touch, but that doesn’t fit the narrative.

So wake the fuck up, England. Stop swallowing the propaganda puke and demand the truth. I’ve said it before, and I’ll scream it until my lungs bleed: the real invasion is the lies infiltrating your brains.

Now piss off and think for yourselves, before I come over there and tattoo these numbers on your foreheads.