Alright, you festering sacks of ignorance, gather ‘round while I, Spider Thompson, shove some jagged truth down your throats! The Birmingham bin strike—oh, it’s still going, isn’t it? Talks have “broken down again,” they say, like that’s supposed to mean something profound. What does that even mean, you simpering morons? It means the same old shit: nobody’s doing a damn thing while the city drowns in its own filth! Rubbish is piling up—17,000 tonnes of it, stinking up the streets since March 11, 2025—rats the size of cats are having a fucking field day, and you lot are still pointing fingers like a bunch of brain-dead chimps fighting over a rotten banana!
Let’s get one thing straight, you X-posting, hashtag-humping drones: the Twitter masses are blaming Labour, not the Tories, for this garbage apocalypse. Oh, how convenient! Labour’s been in power for what, a few months? And you think they magically turned Birmingham into a rat-infested shit-tip overnight? Wake the hell up! The Tories have been screwing this city for 14 years—14 YEARS!—slashing budgets, gutting services, and leaving local councils like Birmingham to choke on their own debt. The council went bankrupt in 2023, long before Labour took the reins, thanks to a £760 million equal pay bill and an £80 million IT screw-up that the Tories did nothing to fix. But no, let’s blame Labour, because that’s easier than using a single goddamn brain cell to understand how this works!
Here’s the real filth: the national government—those Tory clowns who were in charge until recently—sets the budgets. The local council, Labour or not, just gets to play with the scraps they’re thrown. Birmingham’s been broke for years, and you think a few months of Labour rule can fix that? It’s like handing a drowning man a paper towel and yelling at him for not swimming! The council’s been under government commissioners since 2023, forced to cut £148 million in services—libraries, social care, bin collections, you name it—while selling off £750 million in assets by 2026. And now, nearly 400 bin workers are on strike, indefinitely, because the council scrapped their “waste recycling and collection officer” roles, slashing their pay by up to £8,000 a year. The union, Unite, says it’s a safety-critical job; the council says it’s not. Meanwhile, residents are spraying disinfectant on 5-foot-high rubbish piles outside their homes, and one councillor—Sam Forsyth from Quinton Ward—quit the Labour Party on April 8, 2025, after 40 years, because he couldn’t stomach the cuts and the chaos. Good for him! At least someone’s got a spine!
But let’s talk about you, you whiny, rat-dodging residents of Birmingham. You’re sitting there, bitching about the “Squeaky Blinders”—rats the size of cats, as one MP called them—while rubbish sweats outside your houses. And yeah, it stinks. I get it. I’d be pissed too if I had to keep my windows closed because of the stench, like Ian Cook in Small Heath. But here’s a wild idea, you lazy bastards: why the hell aren’t you loading your rubbish into your cars and driving it to the tip? The council extended tip hours—some are open until 22:00 now! Yeah, it’s not ideal. Yeah, it’s a pain in the ass. But what’s worse: a quick trip to the dump or living in a plague-ridden hellscape with vermin chewing through your bin bags? I know what I’d choose, and it involves a lot less whining! You’re handing the union and the council a stalemate on a silver platter by sitting on your hands, waiting for someone else to fix it. Sometimes, you idiots self-destruct just to prove a point, and I’m sick of watching it!
And don’t get me started on the politicians. Labour’s John Cotton declares a “major incident” on March 31, 2025, because of “public health concerns”—no shit, Sherlock! The Tories, like Kevin Hollinrake, scream for private sector strike-busters and a Cobra meeting, while Angela Rayner blames the Tories for the whole mess. Round and round we go, with nobody taking responsibility! The union’s Sharon Graham says the council’s “hellbent” on pay cuts, while the council claims they’ve made a “fair offer” that 80% of workers accepted. Meanwhile, the commissioners—unelected, unaccountable pricks put in place by the Tories—are overseeing this disaster, and Unite says they’re wasting millions on agency workers to break the strike. Everyone’s got a scapegoat, and nobody’s got a solution!
This is a crazy world, alright—a world where you’re all too busy blaming each other to see the real enemy: a system that’s been rigged to screw you over for decades. The Tories gutted local government, Labour’s too busy playing catch-up to fix it, and you’re all stuck in the middle, taking potshots at rats for sport. I’d laugh if it weren’t so pathetic. So get off your asses, Birmingham! Take your trash to the tip, scream at your councillors, and stop letting these clowns—Labour, Tory, or otherwise—turn your city into a landfill.
I’m Spider Thompson, and I’m done with your self-inflicted misery!
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