The Truth is a Diseased Foot, and Reform UK’s Stomping It to Pulp

Listen up, you brain-dead bandwidth leeches, because I’m only typing this once before I puke from the sheer stupidity of it all. Reform UK, that clown car of a political party, has once again proven they’re less a movement and more a traveling circus of half-baked lunatics. And this time, they’ve dragged a 23-year-old TikTok wizard named Jack Anderton into the spotlight – a kid who’s been juicing Nigel Farage’s social media clout and helping some nobody named Luke Campbell snag the mayor’s seat in Hull and East Yorkshire. This Anderton punk? He’s got a blog called Britain Needs Change, and oh boy, does it read like a fever dream from a wannabe dictator who’s been snorting history books and chasing them with cheap vodka.

This little genius, who’s never officially been on Reform’s payroll but is cozy as hell with their inner circle, thinks Britain would’ve been better off sitting out World War II. Yeah, you heard me right. While the Nazis were goose-stepping across Europe, Anderton reckons the UK should’ve just sipped tea and stayed neutral. Why? Because fighting Hitler apparently cost us our empire, our cash, and our precious spot at the global cool kids’ table. He’s whining that we didn’t finish paying off America’s war loans until 2006, and Germany – Germany! – is richer than us now. Boo-fucking-hoo. Apparently, in his alternate history wet dream, we could’ve kept our colonies – Australia, Canada, South Africa, even India – and turned them into some kind of British utopia. Newsflash, kid: empires don’t just “develop” like a goddamn app. They bleed people dry, and the sun set on ours for a reason.

But wait, it gets dumber. Anderton’s got a hard-on for El Salvador’s Nayib Bukele, that strongman who’s locked up 2% of his country’s population to “fight crime.” Human rights abuses? Pfft. Anderton calls that “extraordinary measures” and says we should do the same here. Round up the criminals, the corrupt, whoever the hell else he doesn’t like, and toss ‘em in a cage. He’s practically salivating over “state power” like it’s a fetish. This is the kind of guy who’d cheer for a police state as long as it came with a Union Jack sticker. And don’t even get me started on his take about Ukraine. Russia invades, and Anderton’s like, “Why are we sending billions to a country we don’t owe shit to? Russia’s not our enemy!” Yeah, tell that to the Ukrainians dodging missiles, you TikTok Machiavelli.

This is Reform UK’s brain trust, folks. A 23-year-old who’s been running Farage’s TikTok like it’s a propaganda machine, racking up 1.3 million followers with slick edits and dog-whistle soundbites. He’s been whispering in the ear of Campbell, the Reform mayor who’s apparently desperate to get him on staff but can’t because of some pesky rules about political appointees. And what’s Anderton’s big vision? A “meritocracy” where Britain “regains” its colonies, jails anyone who looks shifty, and tells the rest of the world to fuck off unless it directly benefits the UK. Sounds like a plan, right? If your plan is to turn Britain into a dystopian theme park for Farage and his mates.

Here’s the kicker: Anderton’s blog rants about how Britain’s spent “trillions” on wars for “democracy” and “human rights” like they’re dirty words. He says the only war worth fighting was the Falklands, because apparently that’s the one time we got to wave our flag without losing our precious empire vibes. A million British lives lost since WW1? He’s got the gall to say those wars weren’t even fought for us. Tell that to the soldiers who died stopping fascism, you ignorant little shit. This is what happens when you let a kid who’s spent too much time on the internet play philosopher-king for a party that’s already a walking punchline.

Reform UK isn’t just jumping the shark – they’re riding it straight into a volcano. Anderton’s their perfect mascot: a social media savant with a head full of bad history and worse ideas. He’s the kind of guy who’d sell you a “Britain First” T-shirt while preaching about “meritocracy” from his mum’s basement. This isn’t a party; it’s a meme gone wrong. And the scariest part? People are buying it. Farage’s TikTok numbers don’t lie – 1.3 million followers, and they’re lapping up this garbage like it’s the gospel according to Nigel.

So, here’s the truth, you sorry bastards: Reform UK isn’t saving Britain. It’s a grift dressed up in patriotic drag, peddling nostalgia for an empire that never worked for the working class and a future that only serves the elites. Anderton’s just the latest symptom, a kid who thinks he’s cracked the code to national greatness by binge-watching Bukele’s propaganda reels and skimming a Wikipedia page on WW2. Wake up, Britain. You’re not getting your colonies back, and you don’t need a TikTok tyrant to tell you who to jail. The real fights against clowns like this who think power’s a toy and history’s a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink and a shower to wash off the stench of this idiocy.

Spider out.