Listen up, you flag-waving, net-zero-obsessed, VE Day fetishists! While you’re jerking off to your Union Jacks and whining about immigrants stealing your pizza, the real threat’s already here, and it’s not some poor immigrant bastard on an e-bike. It’s the goddamn AI-powered robots that are literally trying to maul the crowd at your precious patriotic circle-jerk.
I’m sitting here, coughing up last night’s whiskey, scrolling through the feeds, and what do I see? Another Unitree bot going full berserker at some corporate shindig a couple months back. Tore into the crowd like a rabid pitbull on bath salts. And it’s not a one-off. These things are glitching out everywhere. A few days ago, another one lost its digital shit during a routine update, thrashing around like it was auditioning for a cyberpunk horror flick. You wanna know why? Because these shiny new toys are stuffed to the gills with “AI”—that’s right, the tech even the eggheads admit they don’t fully understand. It’s like handing a toddler a flamethrower and saying, “Go play, kiddo.”
The suits at these tech companies—greasy, desperate vultures circling the next big trend—are so terrified of missing the AI gold rush they’re cramming this half-baked, barely-regulated tech into everything. Robot dogs, robot butlers, robot cops. And when it inevitably goes wrong, they just shrug and say, “Whoops, learning curve!” Meanwhile, you’re out here screaming about immigrants and carbon emissions like it’s gonna save you from the singularity chewing your face off.
Let’s get real for a second. You think the guy delivering your late-night pizza is the problem? That he’s gonna “ruin the human race”? Wake the fuck up. The real apocalypse is the one we’re building in shiny R&D labs, powered by code nobody can explain and a corporate hard-on for profit. These AI bots aren’t just malfunctioning—they’re a warning. A big, flashing neon sign screaming, “STOP BEFORE YOU FUCK US ALL.” But no, you’re too busy waving flags and arguing about who’s the bigger racist to notice.
I’m not saying immigrants are saints. I’m not saying net zero’s a scam. I’m saying while you’re distracted by this culture war bullshit, the future’s getting wired to kill. And when it does, it won’t care about your borders, your flags, or your precious VE Day nostalgia. It’ll just keep glitching until we’re all collateral damage.
So light a cigarette, crack a beer, and pull your head out of your patriotic ass. The enemy’s not human. It’s the machine we built to outsmart us, and it’s already starting to bite.
Spider Thompson, signing off to go yell at something else.
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