Listen up, you filthy animals, because I’ve just crawled out of my spider-hole of despair, dosed to the gills on whatever synthetic crap is keeping my synapses firing this week, to vomit forth the truth about this latest circus of human idiocy. We’re talking about Fayaz Khan, a 26-year-old Afghan refugee who washed up on these godforsaken shores in a rubber dinghy like some reject from a bad apocalypse movie. This prick decides to play internet tough guy and threatens to ventilate Nigel Farage – yeah, that smarmy Reform UK wanker with the face like a melted wax figure of a used car salesman – right there on TikTok for all the brain-dead scrollers to gawk at.
Picture this: It’s October last year, and Farage, ever the opportunistic parasite sucking on the teat of xenophobic outrage, drops a YouTube vid called “The Journey of an Illegal Migrant.” He’s ranting about “young males of fighting age” sneaking into Blighty, spotlighting Khan like he’s the poster boy for the end times. Fair enough, Nigel – you’re a fear-mongering twat, but at least you’re consistent. Khan, not one to take that lying down (probably because he’s too busy flexing his online ego), fires back with his own masterpiece on 14 October under the handle “madapasa.” Hundreds of thousands of views, because nothing says “viral” like a migrant with a death wish and a camera.
In the video – which the jury at Southwark Crown Court got to enjoy like a bad snuff film – Khan stares down the lens, calls Farage “Englishman Nigel,” and spews: “You not know me. I come to England because I want to marry with your sister. You not know me. Don’t talk about me more. Delete the video. I’m coming to England. I’m going to pop, pop, pop.” And while he’s popping off, he’s making gun fingers like a toddler imitating a gangster, headbutting the goddamn camera for emphasis, and pointing at his fresh AK-47 tattoo slapped right on his mug. Because nothing screams “I’m not fucking around” like inking a Kalashnikov under your eye, right? Prosecutor Peter Ratliff nailed it: “If you’ve got an AK-47 tattooed on your arm and your face, it’s because you love AK-47s and you want the world to know that.”
Farage, the fragile little flower, trots into court on Tuesday to whine about how “pretty chilling” it all was. “Given his proximity to guns and love of guns, I was genuinely worried,” he bleats. “He says he’s coming to England and he’s going to shoot me.” Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, Nigel. You’ve built your entire career on stirring up this exact kind of hate-storm, and now you’re shocked when the lightning hits your own arse? Spare me. But credit where it’s due – the jury, after deliberating from Wednesday afternoon like they were deciding the fate of the universe, comes back Friday and slaps Khan with a guilty verdict. About time the system did something right, even if it’s just to protect one populist prick from another attention-whore.
Khan, of course, didn’t bother testifying – smart move, or maybe his lawyer Charles Royle figured the jury had seen enough of his “idiosyncratic, moronic, comedic, eye-catching, attention-seeking” schtick. In his police interview, Khan plays innocent: “It was never my intention to kill him or anything. This is my character, this is how I act in my videos. In every video I make those sounds, I say ‘pop, pop pop’.” Yeah, and I “act” like a raging misanthrope because it’s my “character,” but if I threaten to shove a bowel disruptor up your arse on live feed, I’d be in cuffs too. Jurors got treated to more of Khan’s greatest hits: videos with the same pop-pop bullshit, gun gestures galore, and even a follow-up TikTok with “I mean what I say” scrawled over a GB News clip about the threat. Prosecutor Ratliff calls it “sinister and menacing,” branding Khan a “dangerous man with an interest in firearms.” Defence? “Remonstrating in his own way.” Bullshit. This wasn’t comedy; it was a loaded promise from a guy who loves his guns more than his freedom.
The Met says Khan’s getting sentenced on 14 October – so mark your diaries for the next act in this farce. Meanwhile, here we are in this rotting corpse of a society, where migrants flee hellholes only to become TikTok terrorists, politicians peddle fear like cheap drugs, and the courts grind slow as a constipated elephant. Me? I’m going back to my filthy assistants for a hit of something to wash this taste out.
Truth hurts, but lies kill. Stay filthy.
+ There are no comments
Add yours