Fuck your Face-Covering Hypocrasy, you Spineless Bastards

I’m out hunting for the only thing keeping me sane in this cesspool of a world—cheap whisky, the kind that burns your throat and reminds you you’re still alive. But no, I can’t even get to the goddamn bottle without wading through a pile of steaming societal bullshit. There’s a gaggle of people clogging the doorway to the shopping centre, chatting away like they own the place. Fine, whatever, I don’t give a fuck—except for two things that made me want to puke my guts out right there on the cracked pavement.

First, there’s a big, shiny sign on the door screaming “NO HOODIES, NO MOTORBIKE HELMETS ALLOWED.” And yeah, no shit, Sherlock. In this fucked-up society, we don’t cover our faces unless we’re up to no good. Shoplifting’s through the roof because everyone’s broke and desperate—thanks, capitalism, you absolute bastard—and stores are cracking down hard. You don’t get to waltz in with your face hidden like some wannabe bank robber and expect a warm fucking welcome.

But here’s the kicker, the gut-punch that made my blood boil: these “people” in the doorway? I couldn’t see a damn thing except their eyes. They’re draped head-to-toe in black, rocking niqabs like it’s no big deal. They could be anyone. They could be a gang of dudes planning to nick the entire whisky aisle. They could be a bunch of gal pals gossiping about their day. Hell, they could be fucking aliens for all I know. And that’s the problem, you sanctimonious pricks—you don’t know.

Here’s where the hypocrisy hits harder than a brick to the face. If I slapped on a hoodie and claimed it was for “religious reasons,” could I tell the shopping centre to shove their rules up their ass? No, I’d get kicked out faster than you can say “security risk.” But apparently, if you’re wearing a niqab, you get a free pass to stroll around, anonymous as fuck, while the rest of us are forced to bare our ugly mugs for the world to see. This isn’t integration—this is a giant middle finger to the rules we’re all supposed to live by. You move to a place, you play by their fucking rules. You don’t get to roll in and demand everyone bend over backwards for your traditions while shitting on ours. Speak the language, show your face, act like you give a damn about the society you’re in. That’s how it works.

And don’t even start with the “racist” card, because I’ll shove it right back down your throat. If I’m racist for pointing this out, then isn’t it racist to insist on wearing something that’s frowned upon here? Racism’s a two-way street, you hypocritical fucks, and I’m not the one driving the wrong way. If I threw on a niqab and strutted around, no one could stop me. No one could identify me. I could be the filthiest bastard in the city, and I’d get away with it, scot-free. Which brings me to the other thing that’s been clawing at my brain like a rabid cat.

I’d just come from my local Spar shop—another den of overpriced misery—where they’ve rolled out some dystopian facial recognition AI to catch known thieves. Good luck with that when half the people walking in are invisible from the nose down. In our society, we don’t hide our faces unless we’ve got something to hide. That’s the deal. If it’s “racist” to have a problem with this, then I say it’s racist to tell me I can’t have a problem with it. You can’t have it both ways, you gutless wonders.

We’re soft as shit here in the UK, letting people walk all over us while we smile and nod like brain-dead puppets. I did some digging on the old internet—because of course I did, I’m Spider fucking Thompson—and found out who’s got the balls to ban this face-covering nonsense. Switzerland just did it in January 2025, fining people up to 1,000 francs for daring to hide their faces in public. They’re not alone, either. France, Belgium, Austria, Denmark, Bulgaria, the Netherlands, Kyrgyzstan, Cameroon, Chad, Congo, Gabon, Tunisia, and China have all told face-coverings to fuck off in public spaces. And you know what? It’s about damn time we joined them.

This isn’t about religion, or culture, or any of that touchy-feely crap. This is about fairness. This is about living in a society where we can see each other’s faces, where we’re not all hiding behind masks—literal or figurative—while the world burns around us. So grow a spine, UK. Ban this shit. And if you’ve got a problem with that, you can go fuck yourself. I’ve got whisky to drink.