James McMurdock’s Great Loan Caper

Listen up, you filthy animals, because your friendly neighbourhood truth-slinger is back to carve up the latest political carcass. This time, it’s James McMurdock, the Reform UK MP who’s decided to ditch his party like a rat jumping off a sinking ship. Why? Because the man’s got a £70,000 skeleton rattling in his closet, courtesy of some shady Covid loans. Buckle up, because I’m about to shove the truth so far up your optic nerves you’ll be coughing up facts for a week.

Picture this: it’s 2020, the world’s choking on pandemic panic, and the UK government’s tossing out Bounce Back loans like cheap candy to keep businesses from flatlining. Enter McMurdock, a nobody banker from Essex who smells opportunity like a vulture smells carrion. He’s got two companies – JAM Financial Limited and Gym Live Health and Fitness Limited. Sounds legit, right? Except JAM’s got no employees and assets so negligible they’d make a pauper blush, while Gym Live was dormant, probably dreaming of treadmills, until January 2020. Yet, somehow, these ghost operations snag £50,000 and £20,000 respectively. To qualify for that kind of cash, you’d need turnovers of £200,000 and £100,000. Funny, because these companies were about as active as a coma patient.

Now, I’m no math genius – my brain’s too busy screaming at the world – but even I can smell the bullshit when a company with £125 in assets in 2019 suddenly reports £50,137 in 2020, the year of the loan. McMurdock, slick as he thinks he is, then hands JAM Financial’s shares to his mum and quits as director in 2021, like he’s washing his hands of the whole mess. Both companies were set to be struck off the register in 2023, but – plot twist! – a mysterious third party objects, and they’re still kicking. Probably because those loans are still hanging out there like unpaid bar tabs.

Fast forward to July 2025, and The Sunday Times comes sniffing. McMurdock, cornered like a feral cat, tells them to “be very, very careful” and babbles about needing a “technical expert” to understand his financial wizardry. Translation: “I’m screwed, but maybe I can bluff my way out.” He pre-emptively ditches the Reform whip, claiming it’s a “precautionary measure” to “protect” the party. Protect them from what? The stench of his own dodgy dealings?

By July 8, after “specialist legal advice” he won’t share – because, you know, transparency is for suckers – McMurdock’s done with Reform for good. He’s now an independent MP, free to “focus 100% on the interests of my constituents.” Spare me. This guy’s focusing on covering his ass, not serving South Basildon and East Thurrock, where he barely squeaked by with a 98-vote majority.

Let’s talk about Reform for a second. Nigel Farage’s merry band of misfits is down to four MPs after McMurdock’s exit, the second defection since Rupert Lowe got the boot for alleged bullying. Farage, ever the opportunist, admits they did “zero” due diligence on McMurdock. Zero. This is the guy they let carry their flag? A former banker with a rap sheet for assaulting his girlfriend at 19, now tangled in a loan scandal? Reform’s vetting process is less rigorous than a dive bar’s ID check.

And don’t get me started on McMurdock’s LinkedIn flex. Claims he was a “portfolio manager” at Standard Chartered, but a former colleague says he was just a glorified paper-pusher, handling grunt work for loans already in motion. No Financial Conduct Authority registration, no Chartered Financial Analyst credentials – just a guy puffing up his CV like a blowfish in a suit.

Here’s the kicker: McMurdock insists all his dealings were “fully within the law” and vetted by “appropriately qualified professionals.” Sure, and I’m the Pope’s personal yoga instructor. If everything was so squeaky clean, why’s he running from Reform like it’s a burning building? Why’s Labour’s Ellie Reeves calling for Farage to “come clean” about what he knew and when? Because this stinks worse than a City alley after a rainstorm.

This is what you get when you let mavericks and chancers play at politics. McMurdock wasn’t vetted, wasn’t ready, and now he’s a walking PR disaster. Reform’s dreaming of a government while their MPs drop like flies with questionable pasts. Meanwhile, McMurdock’s out there, independent, probably praying the investigation doesn’t dig too deep into those loans. Me? I’m just here, screaming into the void, reminding you that the truth doesn’t care about your party loyalty. It’s a loan, not a love letter—repay it or get rekt.

Stay filthy, my friends. I’m watching.

Spider Thompson, signing off.